Sometimes what one needs is a refreshingly insane creation tale featuring a magical Finnish proto-wizard. If today is that sometimes, and that one is you, then I introduce you to Väinämöinen!
One day, seeking a resting place Ilmatar (daughter of the sky) descended to the waters. There she swam and floated for 700 years until she noticed a beautiful bird also searching for a resting place. Ilmatar raised her knee towards the bird so it could land… The bird then laid six eggs made of gold and one made of iron. As the bird incubated her eggs Ilmatar’s knee grew warmer and warmer until finally she was burned by the heat and reacted by jerking her leg. This motion dislodged the eggs, which then fell and shattered in the waters. Land was formed from the lower part of one of the eggshells while sky formed from the top. The egg whites turned into the moon and stars, and the yolk became the sun.
Ilmatar spent another few hundred years floating in the waters, admiring the results of these broken eggs until she could not resist the urge growing inside her to continue creation. Her foot prints became pools for fish and simply by pointing she created contours in the land. In this way she made all that is. Then one day she gave birth to Väinämöinen, the first man, whose father was the sea. Väinämöinen swam off until he found land, but the land was barren so he asked the Great Bear in the sky for help. A boy carrying seeds was sent down to him, and this boy spread flora across the land.”
Väinämöinen was later changed by folklorists from a god-like creation tale superhero to a god-esque wizardly semi-super being:
Väinämöinen… possessed the wisdom of the ages from birth, for he was in his mother’s womb for seven hundred and thirty years…
Väinämöinen is presented as the ‘eternal bard’… [who] demonstrated his magical voice by sinking the impetuous Joukahainen into a bog by singing.
Väinämöinen’s end is a hubristic one. The 50th and final poem of the Kalevala tells the story of the maiden Marjatta, who becomes pregnant after eating a berry, giving birth to a baby boy. This child is brought to Väinämöinen to examine and judge. His verdict is that such a strangely-born infant needs to be put to death. In reply, the newborn child, mere two weeks old, chides the old sage for his sins and transgressions… Following this, the baby is baptized and named king… Defeated, Väinämöinen goes to the shores of the sea, where he sings for himself a boat of copper, with which he sails away from the mortal realms. In his final words, he promises that there shall be a time when he shall return, when his crafts and might shall once again be needed.
Later still he helped Uncle Scrooge repair a gold-making machine.